black and white, the little things in life.  this is what has come out of a lot writing, erasing, deleting and rewriting.  i hope that it's clear and that my heart can be heard even through my mess of words... 

i think that somewhere along the way of my blogging journey, i don't know where, but somewhere i stopped looking at this blog as mine.  i saw it only as a ministry tool, a way for people to keep track of our traveling and ministry in the last year and a half.  

you've probably noticed, (being the observant bunch that you are), that i haven't been posting a lot lately.  that's for a couple of reason, one of them being that my writing has been changing so much, sometimes i don't even recognize it as my own.  but the main reason is that i've been having a hard time finding the motivation to post, mainly because i felt that it needed to be in a certain way.  i've been trying to make sure that i share the main ministry highlights, being positive and showing the parts that people want to see; working with our neighbors, spending time with the neighborhood kids and the insane capabilities burkinabe have for (over)loading trucks.  

i have been sharing the ministry parts of life, the highlights, but i haven't been sharing the life behind the ministry; the sleepless nights because of the heat or the exhaustion of always having to be "on", and ready for people.  the whole reason i started this blog was to bring other people along with me, to have an online journal that other people could peak into and see what the Lord does with my life, to share the good, the bad and the ugly.  this is my means of sharing how i feel and what i experience, it won't always be in a perfectly crafted post,  but (hopefully) i will always be able get the heart behind the words across. 

because i don't have much contact with kids my age here (the closest girl my age, who speaks english, being four hours away), i haven't  had someone i can get comfy on a couch with and spill my guts to in quite a while.  i always have my mom and dad (who have been amazing through this whole transition process, from the last few months in the states to coming here), but they're going though the same things i am, and more, they're trying to figure out how to raise a family, live life and do ministry here.  they are always there for me, but sometimes, just like anywhere else in the world, sometimes you need an outside ear to listen.  and this is the closest thing i have to a comfy couch and someone to talk about life with, this blog is my couch and y'all are my someones. 

even though i'm an introvert (and, no that doesn't mean i hate people), i need fellowship and community, which is kinda hard to come by when you're eight hours away from the majority of the small, english speaking community here in burkina.  some days are harder than others, but lately they've been harder.  the Lord has done an amazing thing through this little blog of mine, He has brought me a community of folks from around the world.  given me a little community all of my own, via the web.  it's pretty awesome how He can use people you don't even know, to encourage you and lift you up on the hard days. 

you guys don't know how much it means to know that there are people, whom i haven't even met before, lifting me up in prayer before the throne of grace.

i realize that no one really wants to see the ugly parts of life, i know i don't.  but life has a way of being just as ugly as it is beautiful at times, and it seems that over here the hard parts come a little faster.  most days i can take the hard parts as confirmation that we are supposed to be here, someone is pushing back our advances for the Kingdom.  so we press further into God and push forward a little harder.  but other days it's hard to see the reason behind the push-back when you're laid out, flat on your back.   

one of the reasons that i've shied away from writing about the hard parts of life is because of the effects it might have.  it's scary to talk about the hard parts of life for fear of people only seeing it as whining and complaining.  it's hard to risk what people may think of you all for the sake of being honest.

i've spent hours thinking, praying and writing, trying to find a way to not come across as just complaining about the hard parts of life.  and i've come to realize, that i can only do so much, i can do my best, and the rest it up to the Lord and the reader.  the spirit in which the writing is read, is just as important as the spirit in which it is written.

i think that most of you, who don't know me in person, have been around long enough that you have a pretty good idea of who i am, though i'm not sure if that's good or bad...  but you guys have stuck with me this far and i am trusting that you know my heart.  you guys can handle me being honest about the good, the bad and the ugly, you can be my willing ears, and i praise God for that.  

i thank God for you every time i remember you. in all my prayers for all of you, i always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident in this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:3-6