from back when it rained and the grass was green and everyone lived in the dark shadow of tall corn and clothes took two days to dry but it was worth it because life smelled like rain & young things learning to grow.
yeah for sunset and hair in your teeth pictures.
almost exactly one year ago, we hopped into a small, dug out boat and prayed a hippo wouldn't eat us. we gasped at the water that bubbled into the boat + started wondering if insurance would cover an accident that involved hippopotamuses and questionable transportation.
but now, one year wiser (or dumber, however you wanna see it) we climbed into the same boats, which aside from a few extra leaks and loose nails, look just about the same.
and despite the lack of hippos, the sunlight still sparkled across the water and i still felt a little bit like the lady of shalott, courtesy of anne shirley. the lilies still started their nightly, tuck in too soon for my taste + and the water still invited me to dive in. and i really wanted to just to see the shock on our pastor's face, but then i thought of the hippos and brain won over rebellious spirit.
out on the lake, feeling like the figurehead of our little boat with languages flying across the water behind me, from boat to boat and body to body, i felt at home.
as the flight back to the states looms before me and the hugeness of it never ceases to grow, my plans of abdicating the right to adulthood are looking better and better. i'm excited to see what He is gonna do, and i'm looking forward to great things but staring into the unknown is scary. and right now the future is a lot of questions and shrugs and maybe's. and so, while i sit here in my room, surrounded by what is now comfortable and home, He reminds me He's got me.
as i'm reading through the bible this year, and searching through psalms, God's faithfulness is screaming out. no matter what, now matter how many times david cried out to Him begging for mercy, forgiveness and grace, He always answered. and He still does.
and so, i know that wherever i go, no matter what continent, country, state or town, He's got me. i know because "He hems me in- behind and before; He has laid His hand upon me. such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to understand." i know that He's gonna bring people into my life when i need them and He's gonna hold my hand in His when i step over the big puddle that is the Atlantic. He's gonna pick me up when i fall + He's gonna show me more of Himself everyday.
so sitting here at home, looking out at life just like i looked out across the lake, i see bits of His plan start to appear + i hold my breath, eagerly peering to see what will peak through next.
here i am, two months from getting on a plane + crossing the ocean, with only three days left in the year twenty-fifteen. and i'm trying to figure out where the days went, because the older i get the faster this thing called life goes, dragging me with it. and at the end of the day (or the year) i'm looking back at all that's happened and it always leaves me amazed.
amazed at the awesome things He has done.
amazed at the numerous ways i've failed, and amazed at the unfathomable way His grace is always there to pick me up + send me forward into life.
this little blog, which i'm refusing to refer to as being poor or sad, hasn't gotten near as much attention as it was supposed to. so i'm just gonna quote good ol' clive staples lewis (who wrote narnia + mere christianty + pretty much every one of my favorite quotes) so i can feel better about myself:
because life has been lived and things have happened and it's been deep.life is too deep for words,so don't try to describe it, just live it.
my dear friend, sami wrote this and when i read it i was totally nodding and yessing until i could no more. so go read it, and love it because she said it really well.
this year i've been learning to wrestle through the times when my head starts getting ideas of it's own and it wages war against the truths i know and hold to be true. not in a drastic, freak-out way, but in a constant battle that we all go through in losing self to find Him.
and it's a constant circle that could make your head explode, when your heart and spirit knows what is true and right. and yet your mind and emotions in the moment can run away shake things up.
but just like He always does, He brings things back to us, again + again. washing us in the truths that we know to be true but can lose sight of when we let out eyes slip off of Him and onto this world. learning to lose self, to find myself in Him (more to come on this, cause it's been a huge part of this year).
so, as twenty-sixteen comes rushing in with all of its change and newness, i wanna thank you all for sticking with me. fifteen posts in three-sixty-five days is sad, so sad i'm not even gonna average it out, but y'all have stuck it out with me. you guys are great, and more of a blessing to me than you know.
and i'm not gonna do new years resolutions (although i might come up with something similar) because we all know they would last a week and then end up in the same box as old knitting projects. but i'm definitely gonna be hanging around here more often. after all, someone has to bug you and fill your blog feed with stuff, so it might as well be me.
happy new years, folks and God bless.
until next year.
xoxojana
