the words flow but they're disjointed, lopped together paragraphs that show a spinning mind.  so my drafts pile up until they overflow & still nothing has been posted for more days than i have fingers & toes.

quotes, verses & words of wisdom pile up with my run away brain going all over the place.  

i chew on every bit of anything i get, scripture, opinions, viewpoints, i mull them over and change my opinion twenty-thousand times in the same conversation.  journaling is nothing but mismatched words, flowing in two languages in a brain overload.  

life, family, school, relationships with the people here, family back in the states, relationships with friends i've known my whole life, everything goes around in a continuous circle.

and even in times of determination, when i promise not to stand up from the chair before the post is done, life happens.  and hours later when my head finally hits the pillow the words bounce around like a caged ball.  

and in the midst of the battle to get it all done i realized, that part of the struggle was because i didn't feel like i had anything big to share, other than those handful of posts that have been in the works for longer than i would like to admit.  

the thing's that were so shocking and "oh my word i need to blog this" are now normal, everyday life.  the things that made me stop and stare, now don't even phase me. 

because nine months in the country of red dirt & thirteen months outside of the country that i've always called home, i have another home to add to the list.  and the longer i live, grow and learn to love, the longer the list gets.  it's not just one house, it's a mismatched pile of houses, mine & others.   it's the people i've loved and have lived life with, the places i have been taught and stretched.  

this place still stretches & pulls me in more ways than i thought possible.  but he is giving me a love for the people that i can't even explain.  and i'm seeing him use us in these peoples lives…  

is it still hard?  yes, and it always will be, but it's my life now, this is where he has been for this chapter.  

and so, i will stop waiting for a award winning masterpiece to pop into my head & stick with sharing the stuff that drives me crazy, so it can drive you crazy too, because the world is a big big place and it is filled with endless possibilities.

i'll leave you with this: i don't understand why bugs, especially caterpillars, get such a bad rap, they're actually quite good…