black and white, the little things in life
8.4.14
black and white, the little things in life. this is what has come out of a lot writing, erasing, deleting and rewriting. i hope that it's clear and that my heart can be heard even through my mess of words...
i think that somewhere along the way of my blogging journey, i don't know where, but somewhere i stopped looking at this blog as mine. i saw it only as a ministry tool, a way for people to keep track of our traveling and ministry in the last year and a half.
you've probably noticed, (being the observant bunch that you are), that i haven't been posting a lot lately. that's for a couple of reason, one of them being that my writing has been changing so much, sometimes i don't even recognize it as my own. but the main reason is that i've been having a hard time finding the motivation to post, mainly because i felt that it needed to be in a certain way. i've been trying to make sure that i share the main ministry highlights, being positive and showing the parts that people want to see; working with our neighbors, spending time with the neighborhood kids and the insane capabilities burkinabe have for (over)loading trucks.
i have been sharing the ministry parts of life, the highlights, but i haven't been sharing the life behind the ministry; the sleepless nights because of the heat or the exhaustion
of always having to be "on", and ready for people. the
whole reason i started this blog was to bring other people along with
me, to have an online journal that other people could peak into and see
what the Lord does with my life, to share the good, the bad and the ugly. this is my means of sharing how i feel and
what i experience, it won't always be in a perfectly crafted post, but (hopefully) i will always be able get the heart behind the words across.
because i
don't have much contact with kids my age here (the closest girl my age, who
speaks english, being four hours away), i haven't had someone i can get comfy
on a couch with and spill my guts to in quite a while. i always have my mom and dad (who
have been amazing through this whole transition process, from the last
few months in the states to coming here), but they're going though the
same things i am, and more, they're trying to figure out how to raise a family, live life and do ministry here. they are always there for me, but sometimes,
just like anywhere else in the world, sometimes you need an outside ear
to listen. and this is the closest thing i have to a comfy couch and someone to talk about
life with, this blog is my couch and y'all are my someones.
even though i'm an introvert (and, no that doesn't mean i hate people), i need fellowship and community, which is
kinda hard to come by when you're eight hours away from the majority of the
small, english speaking community here in burkina. some days are harder than others, but lately they've been harder. the Lord has done an amazing thing through this little
blog of mine, He has brought me a community of folks from around the world.
given me a little community all of my own, via the web. it's pretty
awesome how He can use people you don't even know, to encourage you and lift you up on the hard
days.
you guys don't know how much it means to know that there are people, whom i haven't even met before, lifting me up in prayer before the throne of grace.
i realize that no one really wants to see the ugly parts of life, i know i don't. but life has a way of being just as ugly as it is beautiful at times, and it seems that over here the hard parts come a little faster. most days i can take the hard parts as confirmation that we are supposed to be here, someone is pushing back our advances for the Kingdom. so we press further into God and push forward a little harder. but other days it's hard to see the reason behind the push-back when you're laid out, flat on your back.
one of the reasons that i've shied away from writing about the hard parts of life is because of the effects it might have. it's scary to talk about the hard parts of life for fear of people only seeing it as whining and complaining. it's hard to risk what people may think of you all for the sake of being honest.
i've spent hours thinking, praying and writing, trying to find a way to not come across as just complaining about the hard parts of life. and i've come to realize, that i can only do so much, i can do my best, and the rest it up to the Lord and the reader. the spirit in which the writing is read, is just as important as the spirit in which it is written.
i think that most of you, who don't know me in person, have been around long enough that you have a pretty good idea of who i am, though i'm not sure if that's good or bad... but you guys have stuck with me this far and i am trusting that you know my heart. you guys can handle me being honest about the good, the bad and the ugly, you can be my willing ears, and i praise God for that.
so here's to a sort of restart to this blog. to a blog where i can share my heart and thoughts of life, the good, the bad and the ugly. and all (hopefully) without making anyone feel like they've been smacked, well maybe occasionally a "wake-up and smell the coffee" smack, but not one that lays you flat.
i thank
God for you every time i remember you. in all my prayers for all of
you, i always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel
from the first day until now, being confident in this, that he who began
a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of
Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:3-6
this has been my prayer for you guys, my little web community that the Lord has used in huge ways.
love in Christ,
jana
p.s. the photos have nothing to do with the post, except for the fact that i like them and they are little parts of my everyday life. the windows in this house all have this weird reflective coating on them, so when the windows are open, i pretty much live in a house of mirrors. which isn't too bad, except for the fact that most days, whether out of laziness or the simplicity of life here, i don't give a second thought to what i look like….
10 notes
Hi Jana,
ReplyDeleteI love your post. I love real...the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think expressed well the difficulties of being real. You probably will be misunderstood at times, but love wins out.
thank you so much! i'm praying that i will continue to express myself clearly and not just babble, (which i have a tendency to do). love and miss you guys bunches!!!
DeleteSo good to hear your voice.....all of it!! We absolutely know there are many hard days and it's not complaining to recognize that. It reminds us all of our need for the Father to renew and refresh us, moment by moment. Give each family member lots of hugs from us. Love you!
ReplyDeletedefinitely! love and miss you guys, give everyone squeezes for me!
DeleteHahah so apparently I missed the fact that there was an audio aspect to this post the first time around! (oops!) Anyway, good to hear your voice (next time, your face please!). I totally understand about not being able to write sometimes about the less than perfect things in life. All that to say, I love you and I can't wait to read more. And anytime you need to chat (About important things or nail polish trends), I'm your gal. XOXO.
ReplyDeletehaha! yes, i knew you would say something about it not being my face, i really do need to do a video, i've talked about doing one enough… i just need the gumption to actually do it. and yes, i would love to chew your ear off about life, and maybe even nail polish and the like, i'm a little behind on what's new. love you too!!
Deleteand when i hear your voice all i can think of is ji jou jangs (odd, but true!) love you!
ReplyDeleteoh, ji jou jangs! when we were in the cabin prank calling your mom and playing with croquets and rice, i knew that you were gonna be a keeper… :) love ya friend!
DeleteHey there, Jana! I just found your blog through Pinterest and wanted to read a few posts before commenting, but I knew all I needed to know by just looking at it and reading this one. First off, kudos to you for letting God use you in this ministry. It is such a hard, bittersweet, wonderful thing that you are doing and I absoloutly applaud you for it. As I get older, I find myself wanting to do exactly what you are doing. Going out, ministering, and going to different places. I love that you posted about the good and the bad. Spreading God's word is never all good, because we will always have hardships, just know that, just by this post, I can tell you are doing it for the right reason and you are doing it very elegantly.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm off to read more posts. ;) You definitely have a new follower!
www.modestyismypolicy.blogspot.com
wow! what an encouragement it was to see this, thank you so much! growing in the Lord is painful at times, but so worth it! the fruit is brings is amazing…
Deletei love nothing more than comments, coffee and chocolate. so be a dear and leave a note…