see ya, twenty-fifteen.

29.12.15










time has literally flown.

here i am, two months from getting on a plane + crossing the ocean, with only three days left in the year twenty-fifteen. and i'm trying to figure out where the days went, because the older i get the faster this thing called life goes, dragging me with it.  and at the end of the day (or the year) i'm looking back at all that's happened and it always leaves me amazed.

amazed at the awesome things He has done.
amazed at the numerous ways i've failed, and amazed at the unfathomable way His grace is always there to pick me up + send me forward into life.

this little blog, which i'm refusing to refer to as being poor or sad, hasn't gotten near as much attention as it was supposed to.  so i'm just gonna quote good ol' clive staples lewis (who wrote narnia + mere christianty + pretty much every one of my favorite quotes) so i can feel better about myself:
 life is too deep for words, 
so don't try to describe it, just live it.
because life has been lived and things have happened and it's been deep.

my dear friend, sami wrote this and when i read it i was totally nodding and yessing until i could no more.  so go read it, and love it because she said it really well.

this year i've been learning to wrestle through the times when my head starts getting ideas of it's own and it wages war against the truths i know and hold to be true.  not in a drastic, freak-out way, but in a constant battle that we all go through in losing self to find Him.

and it's a constant circle that could make your head explode, when your heart and spirit knows what is true and right. and yet your mind and emotions in the moment can run away shake things up.

but just like He always does, He brings things back to us, again + again.  washing us in the truths that we know to be true but can lose sight of when we let out eyes slip off of Him and onto this world.  learning to lose self, to find myself in Him (more to come on this, cause it's been a huge part of this year).    

so, as twenty-sixteen comes rushing in with all of its change and newness, i wanna thank you all for sticking with me.  fifteen posts in three-sixty-five days is sad, so sad i'm not even gonna average it out, but y'all have stuck it out with me.  you guys are great, and more of a blessing to me than you know.

and i'm not gonna do new years resolutions (although i might come up with something similar) because we all know they would last a week and then end up in the same box as old knitting projects.  but i'm definitely gonna be hanging around here more often.  after all, someone has to bug you and fill your blog feed with stuff, so it might as well be me.

happy new years, folks and God bless.

until next year.
xoxojana

world, meet #peopleofburkina.

29.11.15


i want you to meet my people.

so i've done what all the cool kids these days are doing, and started a hash tag on instagram.  yes and (so far) i have it all to myself and i would like to keep it that way because i'm obsessive, or possessive.  something like that…

i want you to know the people that i live life alongside.
the ones i go to church with, eat with, talk with, learn with.
the ones i sit squished next to on bumpy village roads with + crack peanut shells with until our fingers are (possibly) permanently turned red with.
the ones that He has put in my life for reasons that i so clearly see, and the ones that i'm still trying to figure out why.

so world, i give you #peopleofburkina.

and in that moment.

22.11.15




at the times i need it most, the words come tumbling from my lips.  the words tucked in my hearts from sunday school days & seventh grade bible challenges, the truths that i know to be true, but lose in the chaos of life.

the thoughts of the unknown, overwhelm.  the homelessness, the isolation, the loss, all are painful.  the death, the poverty, the spiritual disparity around me, constantly wrench on my bleeding heart. 

 and in the moment, ant hills become mountains and the streams, roaring oceans.

how is it that i can lose my focus, lose my grasp on all that is joy, peace, grace and faith?  all that i am given so freely, why don't i reach out to scoop from the overflowing stores? 

and when those words of truth are spoken, spilled on the front porch like a tipped glass, it all floods in.  those sweet words spoken by the One who loves so much, flood over me, forcing me on my knees like a wave, knocking me off my feet.  the words that have passed my lips so many times, are coming back in tidal waves of grace, bathing my aching heart in truth.

showing my eyes to look up and grasp the hand that is so lovingly stretched out, offering grace and forgiveness with the promise of a new day with fresh mercies.

yesterday.

29.10.15


the sun is hot on my face as i walk out our gate and the little one's cries of, "tubabu musso" meet + fill my ears.  everyone is still in their blue checkered school clothes, clutching some kind of food that they snatched to eat before dinner, just like every other kid when they get home from school.  some proudly show me their guava while showing off their new french words.

a little one comes shooting out the courtyard to my right, sporting only his little, black shorts and makes a beeline for me, grabbing my big, light hand in his small, dark one as soon as he reached me.

"you going to see your mom?" our neighbor asks
i agree in the affirmative, and lift the camera on my shoulder out of reach from little hands.  "photo taa, tubabu musso, photo ta" : take our picture, take our picture.

i skirt the lake of mud and trash in the middle of the road that is quickly eating up the small pathway around it.  and i hear confirmation that mom is there even before i see her.



the kids are playing with the small ball that she brought for galilou and he is contentedly sitting on her lap watching the goings on around him.  

with more white people more kids always come, it's only a matter of time.  so now with the two of us, mom and i, sitting in the small open courtyard sitting under the tree; the kids come.  and shy smiles and toothy grins begin as the camera comes out.  

 and as i have eight pairs of hands on me clambering to see their picture in the camera screen, i'm amazed at how strongly the Lord has knit my heart with the burkinabé people.  

 i don't always like what they say or do, or how they treat me.  i get frustrated and annoyed.  but just like i would if i was anywhere else in the world, no matter what language i was speaking or who i was living life with.  

 but through all of it He has given me a love and heart for each of these faces and so many more. 



summa' time.

22.8.15








summer came and went + brought things unexpected and held things back.

the rain came, but never truly, leaving the fields under watered.  the signs of a hard year ahead are every where when what should be head-high corn, is not even waist high. 

there was our church's vbs and then (as a friend put it) "mk bonding time", which translated to games of mafia and eating bowls of pudding.  

the textbooks got more of a break than they were supposed to, but that means that there was more social time and all-day-in-your-pjs movie marathon days.

but now it's time to dust off the books for the last 4 month hurrah of high school.  friends go back to boarding school and we set our clocks for when christmas break comes around.  all the countless draft posts with bare their raw, tired faces to the light of day and the stacks of neglected photos will be shined and shown.  

summa' time is over and fall is rolling in.  stay strong, my frends…  even in the face of calculus.  

the day the rain came back.

2.6.15




 

the rain came back with the smell of hope + with a crack and grumble, the sun was swallowed while the sky opened and the dry, parched ground drank it's fill until the water ran along the surface and filled the dips and swells of the land.  in what seemed like the blink of an eye new, green life pushed up through the earth and brought with it the reminder of renewal and life.  

The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, 
to send rain on your land in season…   
Deuteronomy 28:12

Me

box of contradictions.

26.4.15



i wanted to write down exactly what i felt 
but somehow the paper stayed empty and i
could not have described it any better. | mlk
  




my mind pings between missional theological ideas + handfuls of newly-discovered poetry and worldview essays + the importance of coffee + chocolate.  of poverty, loss + pain and the amazing, extraordinary, love of our Father. 

i see outrageous joy + hope in the face of incredible loss + fear.

i think, drink, sleep in the language of my past + live among others in one that is slowly beginning to feel less wooden on my tongue. 

i have a crush on the sky which holds the stars, moon + sun that are painted each day + night by the one who loves my soul and i get lost in this earth that holds the seas, mountains + cities that i love. 

i flip-flop between dreams of being a elegant, stoic picture of grace + simplicity and a bare-foot, starry eyed, girl with leaves in her hair.

i'm a black + white soul with a love for rainbow colors.

i'm a ripped, dog-eared journal who thinks better on a bright, blinking screen. 

i live in the red, dirt desert of africa but have an unhealthy love for water + rain. 

i'm a hopeless sinner who has been made saved by grace and am now forever called His.

i'm a box of contradictions with a long, winding path of learning ahead of me with an amazing Shepherd to lead me. 

life + light up burkina.

15.4.15









'





life is weird isn't it?  it moves on wherever you go, the days slowly marching past, sometimes casually strolling and other times sprinting.  the days, weeks + months seem to be slipping through my fingers.  leaving me constantly searching for the right date in my head.  

and sometimes it all pushes in, and i start to choke.  that impending thing that means that you have to make your own choices and become your own person is looming on the horizon, along with all the wonderfully terrifying things that come with it.  and i fill every day with the "have-to's" and the "must's" and i end up blocking the "get-to's" and the "can's".  

but you know what?  He is so, so good!  because when i let textbooks and tests get in the way, he brings things that pull me away and force me to breathe.  like when all of a sudden we were going to the bible school that is half-way up our colorado sized country to put in a new drip-water kit for this tired, so very dry ground.  

and it ended up being two unbelievably hot and uncomfortable days, filled with no reprieve and some of the biggest spiders that have ever walked on this earth.  but there was fellowship with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are giving it all to serve him.  

these people are so amazing.  i could go on for hours and hours, spilling story after story of families who have left all that they know, to move to a new village that has yet to hear the Word, the sacrifices that are made all for the glory of Christ.  i look at my brothers and sisters and all my self-pity goes out the door.  the struggle of heat and loneliness and everything else, suddenly loses all the crushing weight that it seemed to have.  not that it's not still hotter than, well i don't know what, it's just really hot, but when i take my eyes off of the struggle of my life and see what others are sacrificing,  my life isn't so bad.  in fact, it's pretty darn amazing.  

now, part two of this long rampage is to share what the Lord has been doing here ministry wise, specifically.  because i'm really excited and the Lord is doing amazing, awesome things here!

so we have a website, light up burkina, and you can go check it out to see what we are doing.  my dad started a blog on the website that has more ministry focused updates on stuff like building churches, village church planters, animal husbandry and micro finance projects and all that jazz.  also, more specific ways to be involved and information about what it would be like to come visit. 

God is doing awesome things, guys!  

Africa

aqua.

6.3.15




so we got into a "boat" that looked like something that should have been in a museum somewhere, + there was a good layer of water in the bottom so my feet splashed.  and never mind those other boats, the sunken ones that we had to walk on to get to the (not) so water-filled one, because we had a few little things for bailing in our boat, so no big deal.  and we got in and headed out into the lake with hippos because we live in africa and why not.







and then i looked out and felt like i was skimming barely above the surface which, thanks to the slightly soggy boat, i kinda was.  but there were lily pads with flowers wide awake, faces up trying to kiss the sun + hippos that wiggled their ears at us and huffed spouts of water in indignation.  








and there was another of the world's most beautiful sunsets, because the dust covered the sun + the rays hit the water + bounced around + the lighting was perfect + i have over a hundred pictures to prove it.  but i'll leave you with this handful of my favorites, plus some just because, and save the others for when i'm feeling generous, because i've discovered that i'm stingy with pretty pictures.  it's true.